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Bounce Back From Life’s
Setbacks
by Carole Copeland Thomas, MBA
We all have had those gut-wrenching days in our lives.
The time when all of your plans haven’t seemed to fit neatly
in place. They’re the moments when your important project
at work literally fell apart right in front of your boss’s
eyes, leaving you with your career on the line. They’re the
times when your personal life suffers such a heartbreaking tragedy
that you’re amazed and you’re still standing. And when
the multiple setbacks hit simultaneously both at work and at home,
you may not even want to get out of bed to face the odds of pulling
all of the pieces back together.
We all have had those trying times, and I am the
first person to understand how difficulties can test your character
as a human being. The last seven years have tested my faith, my
stamina as a professional speaker and my strength as a mother and
businesswoman. My life came crashing down when my 17-year old son,
Mickarl D. Thomas Jr., died in a tragic car accident on June 14,
1997. His death came six days after graduating from high school
with his twin sister, Michelle. Mikey had everything to live for,
including a full academic scholarship to his dream school, Morehouse
College in Atlanta. He would have become a lawyer had he lived.
His death devastated his twin sister, his older sister, Lorna, and
our entire family.
Eleven months later, my mother died. She was my best
friend and my greatest business advocate. Her loss has been an excruciatingly
deep one for me. Although she lived in my hometown of Detroit, Michigan,
we had spoken by phone every other day for 27 years. I miss those
phone calls. Yes, I do know about life’s setbacks. When they
come they can hit you so hard that you question whether you can
go on with your life or your career. The uncertainty and self doubt
can become all-consuming. Yet, in spite of what you’re confronting,
you can create an action plan that will move you through the madness.
There are seven steps you can follow to help you bounce back from
the rough roads that lie ahead. They have certainly worked for me,
so I share them with you to help with whatever comes your way.
Step One: Reinforce The Belief In Yourself
Troubling times can create a huge gap in how you measure your personal
abilities and what amount of confidence that you garner for yourself.
Step back and literally make a list of everything great about yourself
and why you are such a valuable asset to others. Seeing your good
personal qualities on paper will give you that psychological advantage
that you need to pull yourself together. And I’ll bet you’ll
find that your good qualities far outweigh your bad ones.
Step Two: Assess The Impact Of Your Crisis
To prevent becoming "overwhelmed" by your circumstances,
take a deep breath and stop long enough to break down the immediate
challenges you face. Ask yourself key questions. How did it begin?
Did you see it coming? Could it have been prevented? Now that it’s
in your lap, what resources can you call on to resolve the dilemma?
Can other people help you? Will additional research support your
efforts? Can you put a timeframe on your crisis? And most important,
what can you learn from your crisis?
Step Three: Understand What You Can And Cannot
Control
The one important factor that I learned from my personal losses
is that there is much in life that I do not control! Although the
guilt pangs hit me from time to time, I do know that I had no control
over the death of my son or my mother. Understanding that fact has
helped me to realize that life is filled with complexities that
are way beyond the span of my control. Knowing that has also helped
me to take each moment one step at a time, while stopping long enough
to celebrating the beauty of life itself.
Step Four: Call On Your Inner Strength
In our diverse world, inner strength can be defined many different
ways. No matter what your faith, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist,
Hindu, or a New Age thinker, belief in a higher power can see you
through your difficulties. For me, prayer, my belief in God, and
the loving support of my family and church helped me through the
darkness that I’ve faced over these last two years. Assess
how you gather your inner strength, and then call on it when the
tough times come. Remember that some challenges are much bigger
than you are. Connecting with that inner strength will protect and
shield you from the emotional roller coaster rides of life.
Step Five: Talk To Others
So often we keep all of our troubles bottled up inside. We tell
ourselves, "Nobody else is going through what I am. People
just don’t understand my problems." Our self talk can
be quite powerful. However, we forget that there may be a colleague,
a trusted friend, a family member, or a business associate who has
just experienced the exact same challenge that you now face. I found
that out very quickly after my son died, when three other mothers
lost their bright and gifted sons in tragic accidents within two
weeks of my son’s death. I realized that the human experience
is shared by all of us. Life spares no one when it come to facing
difficult times. So swallow your pride and reach out to someone
who can support you.
Step Six: Don’t Lose Your Sense Of
Humor
Even in the depths of your despair humor can bring a welcome change
of attitude. Believe it or not, one of the moments I remember vividly
during that fateful week in June, 1997, centered on the funny stories
my daughter, Lorna, shared at my son’s funeral. Kids’
stories. Stories that made me laugh. Stories that dried the tears
running down my cheeks. Humorous reflections that we could all relate
to. For those of you who are battling cancer or who have loved ones
who are fighting that dreaded disease, visit Christine Clifford’s
website (www.cancerclub.com). Christine, a breast cancer survivor
and professional speaker, has developed a wonderful approach to
life, and shares her humorous touch with others via the Internet.
For her company logo, she even uses the profile of an attractive
woman sporting a bald head. Christine is an example that, in spite
of your circumstances, humor can help buffer life’s booby
traps and pitfalls.
Step Seven: Bounce Back
If you don’t believe much else, do understand that today’s
challenges will become tomorrow’s memories. They may be forgettable
memories, but they’ll be memories nonetheless. When you concentrate
on facing your challenges and resolving your issues, tomorrow will
come much more quickly. Of course the emotional impact from the
loss of loved ones, divorce, extreme financial woes, catastrophic
illnesses or job loss won’t always go away in a flash. What
you must tell yourself is that you will overcome your circumstances
and you cannot quit. Speaking, writing, and consulting have been
the healing instruments in my life. The opportunity of addressing
audiences and sharing my personal stories with others has helped
me to bounce back and reposition my life by adding more purpose,
commitment, and dedication into the work that I do. You, too, can
bounce back by customizing these steps we’ve discussed and
applying them each time life’s bottomless pit reaches up to
grabs you. Take a deep breath, think on your feet, connect with
others, find your inner strength, and remember that tomorrow’s
sunshine is right around the corner.Carole Copeland Thomas is a
speaker, writer, consultant and syndicated radio host specializing
in empowerment, diversity, leadership, and youth issues. She has
been featured on ABC Radio, CBS-TV, and Fox News. Carole helps her
international client base define their purpose and value both on
and off the job. She lives and works outside Boston.
Visit her website at www.TellCarole.com
for more information on her speaking services and business activities.
All Rights Reserved, Carole Copeland Thomas
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